TOP 20 QUESTIONS I GET ASKED THE MOST AS A WEDDING PLANNER
Every wedding brings its own surprises, but over the years these questions pop up again and again. Here’s a list of the 20 most asked questions I get and the answers that will help you plan with confidence.
1. When should I order my wedding dress?
Most gowns take 6–9 months from order to delivery, especially if you need custom alterations. Aim to choose your dress 8–10 months before your wedding date to allow time for fittings and any alterations you may need. You can start shopping for a dress as soon as you book your venue! Most of the time, the venue, time of year, and location will determine the style of dress that is most appropriate.
2. Do I need to send a Save-the-Date or just an invitation?
Save-the-Date: Send 6–8 months out if you’re hosting a destination wedding or have several guests who need to request time off work or need extra time to make travel arrangements. If your wedding date is within 3 months or less and all of your guests are local, you do not need to send a save-the-date. Save-the-dates can be sent digitally so guests can receive them faster and to save you time and money.
Formal Invitation: If you are sending a formal invitation by mail, it’s best to send 6–8 weeks before the wedding for domestic, 10–12 weeks for anyone traveling from abroad.
3. What is a “soft bar”?
A soft bar offers beer, wine, and one or two signature cocktails instead of a full liquor selection. It’s a cost-effective way to keep drinks flowing without breaking the bank and is becoming more and more popular. You can also offer a self-serve water station with iced tea and lemonade for those who do not drink, This also helps keep the line down at the bar and makes it easier for guests to serve themselves as often as needed.
4. How much should I tip my vendors?
While tipping is optional, here are some guidelines. Always verify gratuity clauses in each contract first as they are sometimes built into the contract.
Wait staff: $20 or more per person
Catering staff: 15-20% of total cost
Bar staff: 15–20% of bar total
DJ/band: $50-$100 per musician or 10–15% of total fee
Officiant: $50–$100 or a small gift
Wedding planner/ planning team:
Florist: $50-$100
Hair and Makeup: $50-$100 per person
Transportation: 15-20% of the total bill
Photo/Video: $50-$100 per person
5. Do we need a wedding rehearsal?
If you have more than a handful in your wedding party or any special ceremony elements, plan a ceremony rehearsal the day before. It eases nerves and ensures everyone knows their cues. It also allows you to make any last minute changes to be sure everything is just how you want. A wedding planner typically will direct everyone along with the Officiant. Only those in the wedding ceremony need to attend.
6. How do we tell guests our wedding is adults-only?
Add a note on the invitations or RSVP card: “We respectfully request no children under 18 (or 21) at the reception." Or, keep it simple with something like “Please join us for an adult celebration."
Wedding website/registry: “While we love your children, our wedding will be an adult-only celebration. Thank you for understanding.”
Address invitations to specific individuals and avoid using the phrase “family.”
7. What vendors should we book first?
Venue (locks your date and capacity)
Wedding planner (or day-of coordinator to develop your timeline and manage logistics)
Photographer/Videographer (most in-demand)
Caterer (if not provided by venue)
Rentals (decide what is needed that the venue and caterer do not provide)
Entertainment (band or DJ)
8. Do we need to buy gifts for parents and the wedding party?
While it is not required, it is always seen as a kind gesture. If you do want to give gifts be sure to add this line item in your budget.
Parents: Framed photo, personalized keepsake, or a heartfelt letter
Wedding party: Alcohol, jewlery, personalized items (robes, cufflinks, tote bags), gift cards, thoughtful card
9. What’s the best way to honor loved ones who have passed?
A memory table or place to display photos usually at the reception
Special toast or reading during ceremony or reception
Leave an empty seat at the ceremony with your loved ones photo
Make a keepsake such as a special ribbon on your bouquet or a charm that has special meaning to you
10. What is the correct order of events for a traditional ceremony?
If you do want to give gifts be sure to add this line item in your budget.
Processional
Welcome and remarks
Readings or musical interlude
Exchange of vows
Ring ceremony
Unity ritual (optional)
Pronouncement of marriage
Recessional
11. Who cuts the wedding cake?
By tradition, the couple makes the first cut together. After that, your caterer or venue staff typically coordinates cake service and will usually take the cake away to be cut and served. They will then serve them pre-sliced on buffet tables or individually plated at guests’ seats. Clarify the plan with your caterer and wedding planner.
12. Who cleans up at the end of the night?
Caterer and/or venue staff would clean up items from dinner service, kitchen area and trash removal.
Coordinator/planner would typically oversee and manage the entire breakdown and ensure all other vendors are packing up and leaving the venue clean and in a timely manner. Your florist may return to pick up remaining flowers or vases, the rental company returns to pack up any items you rented for the day such as linens, tables, chairs or remove lighting or structures. Everyone has a role to play in the clean up process.
The Bride/Groom and Wedding Party is also responsible to remove any personal items including garment bags, purses, phones, water bottles, clothing, photographs, guest book, cards and gifts and be sure nothing is left behind. It is helpful to assign someone you trust to help with this at the end of the night and make sure you designate where personal items should be stored for safe keeping such as a car or hotel suite.
13. Is a wedding planner necessary?
We always recommend a professional wedding planner which can save you time, stress, and often money thanks to professional and detailed timelines, utilizing their local expertise, experience working in the event industry and using their vendor partnerships to get you the best possible services and pricing. A wedding planner will be your main point of contact on the wedding day to oversee all aspects and keep things running smoothly so you can focus on celebrating your day.
14. Can my friend or family member be our officiant?
Absolutely,provided they’re legally ordained. Many couples have loved ones ordained online which is fast and easy to do! Check out Provenance.co to learn more about this free service through their ordination program. Check your state’s marriage officiant requirements and submit any paperwork in a timely manner.
15. Can my friend or family member be the DJ?
They can but as a planner, I don’t advise it unless they have experience, good quality sound equipment and understand the formalities of a wedding. A wedding DJ is not the same as a DJ who plays at a club or other private event. They have to hold themselves to a different standard and act in a professional manner at all times, adhering to a timeline and being able to communicate and work as a team to ensure everything flows smoothly. They should also understand how to play music that appeals to a broad audience with a variety of ages and musical preferences so they can read the crowd and know when to switch things up. If you do choose to use a friend to be your DJ, be sure to have a clear understanding of your expectations and get everything written into a contract that all parties agree to. Introduce your friend to your wedding planner and show them the venue ahead of time so they can become familiar with the setup, rules and guidelines as well as any special instructions for parking or where to load equipment in and out.
16. Do we need to thank our guests during the wedding?
A brief “thank you” during your welcome speech or during your cake cutting at the end of the night is a nice touch. It’s not mandatory to give long speeches, just acknowledge everyone’s support and thank them for being part of your special day. You might want to give special recognition to parents or anyone who helped contribute to the wedding.
17. Who should make a toast during the reception?
Common toasts come from the Maid of Honor, Best Man, parents of the couple, and sometimes the couple themselves or close family members. Coordinate your toast list with your DJ and wedding planner to keep speeches flowing smoothly. Be sure to give anyone who will be speaking a few guidelines such as specific details you don’t want them to mention that could be embarrasing for you or your partner as well as guidelines on the length of their toast. Keeping toasts to 2 or 3 minutes is plenty of time and ensures guests don’t get bored or antsy and that things keep moving along so you can enjoy the rest of the party!
18. What is the best way to make a guest list?
Start by dividing your list into A list (must invite), B list (invite if budget allows), and VIPs (close family and friends). Factor in venue capacity and budget per head. Regularly review RSVPs and reallocate spots from your B list if needed.
19. Do vendors offer discounts?
Many vendors will offer lower pricing for off-season dates, weekday weddings, or bundled services (e.g., photography and videography together or DJ and photo booth). Always ask about package deals, referral rates, or negotiated group discounts.
20. Do we need to pay for our guests’ hotels?
Traditionally many couples will pay for a room block at one or two hotels for out-of-town guests to secure a group rate but guests pay their own stay. If you prefer not to do this, you can offer guests suggestions on places to stay near the wedding venue that they can book and pay for on their own so you don’t have to be involved or coordinate this on their behalf.
And that wraps up the 20 most asked questions!
No two celebrations look the same, but being prepared is the best way to help you tackle planning head on with clarity and confidence. Have more questions or want to see which wedding package is right for you? Let’s chat!
Photo: Teri Kramer Photo
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